Day Five:
Six things you wish you’d never done.
Oh. Well, this is going to be tricky!
1. I wish I would have never told my best friend that I was pregnant with my first child. I had specifically asked her not to tell the father of my child, because I wanted to tell him; I didn't want to stay with him and I wanted time to figure out how to deal with the situation. Naturally she told him. I ended up feeling pressured to stay. Big mistake.
2. We'll just go ahead and combine several instances of me not leaving boyfriends when I should have.
3. One instance of leaving someone that I didn't want to leave. Staying for someone I didn't want to be with. Losing the one person I've ever met that made me feel 'that' way, someone who my heart is convinced it belongs to. I thought I was doing the right thing, I thought I wasn't a big deal to him, I thought there would be another chance to be close to him. I was wrong. Well, at least about the first and the last things.
4. Several cases of not making more of an effort to get to know certain people in my life.
5. I wish I hadn't given up on life that one summer. Getting super, icky drunk. Continuing to let people take advantage of me. Getting myself get hurt by people I thought cared about me and then having sex with them so I wouldn't feel bad about being used. Driving while blacked out (I am NOT cool with DUI). Not using what very little bit of good that was left in my life to get better.
I was a very unhappy girl, I had no idea what to do anymore. I was very alone and very lost. I was done trying. I wanted to be dead. I think this is technically the first (and only) time I tried to kill myself. I was not all there.
6. Not having more faith. In myself, in my dreams and visions, in other people.
But if you hadn't done those things would you still be the you you are today?
ReplyDeleteTheres things in my life I'm not proud of, things I hope I never do again, but these things made me stronger, wiser, more compassionate person and for that I can be glad. <3
You know, I thought about that question for a very long time before I wrote this post.
ReplyDeleteI had an issue with choosing things that would have ultimately altered the course of my life.
All these things would have drastically changed my life; but I think that for the most part the change would have been very positive for me and have even made stronger and wiser. I suppose I learned things from any of these incidents, but I believe that I probably would have learned more and become stronger for having not done them.
But, with the exception of the first and the fifth, all of these things I don't truly regret. Just wish I had done differently.
To answer your question... no I don't think
I would be the same me I am today.
Perhaps I would have been a better me. Perhaps I'd be just as confused and upset.
Fact is, chances are really high that if I had it to do over again, I would do the same exact things.
But those are the major points in my life that at times I wish I had done it another way.
It was not an easy question to answer!
maybe I'd still be the same me, just somewhere else.
ReplyDeleteis this possible?
Is this a trick question? ;)
There are many things that I chose to do, stupid things, often things that at the time I knew I would regret. Sometimes things I thought there was truly no other way to do. Things that I thought I had to do, because I could only learn through the hard way. (How stupid is that!?)
ReplyDeleteSo I can't very well go around wishing that I had done or not done something.
But what I think is more interesting is the question of
would I still be the same me if things were different.
I've been thinking a lot about something to this effect. What makes a person them? If they have or not certain experiences in their life, can it alter their essential person? Is there an innate personality born in all of us, or is it entirely a product of our environments? Are we all the same being, just with different experiences and different 'settings'?
AH! So much thinking for snowy Sat morning!
Thanks for your question/comment! Funny how a such a little thing can get my brain going so!
I had about an hour's worth of replies that I erased. How's that for things I wish I wouldn't have done?
lol, I guess we can never really know.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I think we don't have a choice.
That everything that happens has to happen, so when bad stuff happens I can think I'm glad thats over with now on to the good stuff. :)