I have other journals, but I want to start again. I wanted a new, empty place. Not that I really let people in...
My original intention for this one was for it to act as a
Pick a place, any place. . .
Day One:
Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
this really sucks. I can think of so many things, but then I wonder why am I writing this? and how much of it is crap? how much should be spoken to be understood? or not put out there at all? who wants to hear from me anyhow?
and, hey, I've got ten things to say to myself, does that count
1. If you care, do something about it.
To myself. Although, it sounds like it could be anybody.
2. You're so worried that I'll get upset and not listen when you say things to me, but you are the same. Besides, you criticize me, I just picky touchy subjects :( I wish you talked to me more. ps i might get upset but you can never really hurt me. I wish I was nicer for you.
To my sister
3. Don't leave her. Just leave her be, right now. Stop worrying about that part so much.
To my brother
4. Relax girl! Don't get into a relationship for another year! Yikes! What are you doing?
To my adoptasis
5. I don't know what to ask you to understand what I'm missing with you. I really miss you. I've been trying to change things so that you will be back with me more, and I've been so slow and making such a mess. I don't know how to talk to you any more, it's like you're a different person, and I know there's so much change in you and your world but, you and I used to be really close and I don't know how to fix that because you don't like me and I guess I'm stupid so I understand why.
To my firstborn
6. It's unfortunate that your idiocy outlasted all the things I like about you. Not that I ever wanted to stay. I just really liked you as a friend. Sorry that sounds so stuck up.
To the father of my firstborn
7. I am sorry we weren't better in the beginning. I'm sorry I bring out your bad side. I'm sorry we aren't working.
To the man I live with
8. Sometimes, I think you're the other suspect. Then, I go back to thinking I'm crazy. Sorry; I do have better things to say. Ps. You are one of the people in my life who encourage me to be better and make me feel like I could easily be awesome; thank you.
To my friend from old school Mike
9. I've wanted you around since, the moment I met you. I use all the wrong words and mess what ever it was up. It's too bad I just let myself have the short end of the stick instead of having more faith and taking better care of what I saw and believed. Though, the faith and believing and seeing things is what got me so far away in the first place. No, that's not true. Just my own dumb ass.
Sucks I went off without you in the beginning. I never do things right.
I always thought we'd have time to get it right. Thought that there were other things for you and i to do first. Thought you'd always be there when it was right.
but I guess it's just me.
I could go on and on.
To the man who owns the voice that's been living in my head for the last dozen years. Explaining myself and sounding like a crazy, nice moves.
10. I thought you were looking for a friend the same as I, and yet you held back and it was all a big joke. Hope it was entertaining.
To: anon 101
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